ocean front

I had a great summer. It was not great weather but I did a lot of tourism, I ate well, I walked, I rested.

I went to England for a few days to visit the Lake District (« the lake district »). This is a very tourist area and each year there are eight million tourists! It was very nice. I went to Ambleside. This is a very small town, a town with many B & B and sports stores that sell hiking boots. Yes, the Lake District is renowned for its hiking (sport = long walk) and its breathtaking scenery.

I have not done hiking, but I made a one-hour walk around a lake. It was gorgeous.

After the Lake District, I went to Scotland. I am familiar with Scotland, my cousin lives there for a long time. She studied in Scotland, St. Andrews. Now she is married and lives in a small white house in front of the sea

We went on the Isle of Arran. It was beautiful. We did a lot of walks. To my cousin, they were walking, but for me they were walking! The landscapes of the Isle of Arran Arran are very different and represents a mini-Scotland. We visited the gardens, we ate in front of the sea And we danced the Highland dancing, which is very sporty and lively!

After Arran, we went to Edinburgh. I personally do not like Edinburgh. There is a part, the « Royal Mile » which is very touristy with shops selling souvenirs and stupid ones. But in this street, there are also many interesting museums. At Edinburgh, I went to the jazz festival. I really liked.

After England and Scotland, I went to Greece with my husband. It was very different, it was 40 degrees! Ah, the sun, the beach, Greek restaurants! It was gorgeous. We went to the beach every day and we rested. I tanned, my husband swam. We also did a lot of tourism

The question:
I divorced four years ago because my wife left me for another, but I can not stand still. She lives with our 8 year old son and has many adventures. I have none and I spend every holiday with them (no sexual contact with her), because I miss my son and I think it feels good to be with his mum and dad. But I wonder. Alain, Clermont-Ferrand.

The answer to Claude Halmos
Psychoanalyst

You are right to question you because the only thing that can help a child is that the situation in which he lives is clear. Now that your son is not. It is indeed based on a series of lies. First lie: this couple is no longer one – and your son knows necessarily because kids know everything – but pretended to be still. Second lie, the reason given: « Let him be with his mum and dad.  »

It makes no sense. Being with her parents is structuring for a child if his parents are a couple because that is when a mutual desire that brings them together. They did not need it to exist as a couple. Therefore, the child can freely dispose of himself and has, moreover, a « model » of adult life, which makes him want to grow. In your case, your son does not have to do a couple but a pair of adults who maintain a connection between them by playing « at Dad and Mom » ​​with him. He is taken hostage. Your wife’s departure was painful for you and perhaps, without you being aware, probably humiliating and you dream, staying there, you return it.

Why not? but this is problematic for your son because by doing so, you give you an image of man devalued: his wife « wants no more » and he did no other. A father figure who does not take its place: you know that his mother left him alone at night for « clubbing » and you accept it. You give him a bonus, the idea of ​​the omnipotence of women. For it is obvious that his mother, in this case, leads the game must pull yourself together, Alain. You deserve better than this … And your son too.